recumbent.........

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Albert Camus

i lay back,i am thrilled by apostasy...
i remember...
am thrilled am forgetting...
i think n am thrilled am not thinkin anymore...
i think of the red days of misforune n hatred...but
i keep hope that it wil turn green,
the drying summer wil giv way to puply spring,
tadpoles wil wriggle in the puddles once more,
there wil be dirt to dance over,
there wil be rain to wash over,
there will be me ,
waiting for him ,
when he comes back after his ride

at the coffeee table....

i get up very early in the mornin....then
am sippin ma coffee....
scannin the newspaper....
in fact am in the process of wakin up..
its only aftr i v hd two sipsa coffee n hd a brisk readin of
the page3 columns of the newspaper tat am really awake...
in tis process of waking up,
i plan on what am goin to do durin the day...
the journey of the dy proceeds seldom as planned...
but i relish the plannin....

but today is different...
i wanna sleep more...
the process of waking up is givin me bad thots...
i v already presumed the day is gonna b bad...
memories are rampin up its way on my psyche...
i can c the dyin light approachin me...
i can c the fallen leaves...
i can c the dried out tears..
oh god....am gonna live my past again...
y cant oblivion sweep over these festering wounds???
y are they still there???????
y are my thought process so pregnant with them???????
y more pain??????????

scatology at its best.....

"man you should explode,
jive to a savage drum beat,
smoke hash,smoke ganja,
.....cuss at one and all,
swear by him
turn humans into slaves;
whip their arses with a lash,
cook ur beans on their bleeding backsides..."

read this in Literary review...
a certain poet's anthology...

tats the outrage...wudn say bad....its the bleeding soul spewing venom tat was forced into it...

strikin....numinous...

"death is a better alternative to fear...
rather than get buggered,butcher them back...."

read this somewhere....
severe,numinous in its own regard.....silently strong...
a new learning for the day

oct 7th

"i like morinings better if they started a lil late.........."

world starts movin so early.....realised today....
woke up early to go to calicut...
man is on the run so early in the mornin....
....shud agree we humans are exemplary beings...

we are happy sayin...."i am still breathin....come whatsoever"...
tats the spirit...
long live the human spirit..................

oct 6th...Marion jONES..........

"reality is elusive.....truth is often something more than an opportunistic weapon"....

Harold Pinter

"Rage rage rage against the dying light"...
Harold Pinter


Marion jones....i remember...the 98 olympics...hopes,dreams ,energy,power,strenth,speed...she ws portent with all tis....

she retired from track events...CAUGHT in a steroid scandal...
there she was cuttin a sorry figure....teary eyed...Marion is gone...
tis is jus a shadow....I make myself believe....

life jus treats you tis way..........
another great fall after Ben....................
Marion ,u will be rememebered................

oct 5th........companion at solitude

i feel solitude is jus a state of mind...
u can feel alone even in a crowd
n feel happy n wanted even when u r on ur own...
so precisely its jus a state of mind....

ryt now am not in the midst of a crowd...
i withdrew from the crowd...
atleast for the time being i think tis is better for me
am alone...
i can feel the emptied alleys of my mental scapes....
jus the muteness of thousand years coagullated there....

but i need to feel good to move forth..
jus to feel am there very much in the game...

OF LIFE N DEATH...

tis day wud be remembered...
death's conquest over life...
life accepting death....

Prof.M.N.Vijayan passed away...he gave up to death....the mentor,the light,the voice,the thought,
the beacon,
the power,the hope...
its gone with him...

but he remains here...
can hear the echos of all that he wanted to teach,
death never won cos he continues to live among us,
very much in the frame....
very much the fuel,
very much the drive....
very much himself,
he won over us n defeated death.....

OCT 2nd.....The day that gave me life n hopes....

i believe minds are forever,
i believe promises are forever,
i keep faith,
i hope at a dreamy level,
infact at a dangerously dreamy level,
i live cos of ma hopes,
i love this life..................


"life didn't teach me anything.probably life is the learning"

Prof .M.N.Vijayan